Evil Eye

  Evil Eye

Another blog another hard topic for me to get into. This next piece I’m going to be sharing I had been very big on keeping to myself for the longest time in order to protect and preserve the reputation of the second party involved. I’ve never been one to try and tarnish someone’s reputation simply because they did me wrong and this situation was going to be no exception. The reason, however, I am here today going against something I’ve always preached is because I truly feel like others can benefit from and/or prevent their lives from taking a turn for the worse if they are in a situation similar as I was. Regardless, no names will be used.

This blog’s topic is going to be on nazar/hasad/the evil eye. The inspiration behind this post came from when I shared my experience with a close friend of mine, and she displayed gratitude with tears in her eyes because she was also going through a very similar experience and had no idea what was going on. It made me realize there may be dozens of people who could be going through a similar situation, yet are hesitant to speak up out of fear or ignorance.

Starting off with the backstory, I had a friend in my life that I saw almost like a sister. Her and I were attached at the hip and would do everything together. We had built the foundation of our friendship almost 5 years ago on our mutual love for God and wanting to better ourselves by beautifying our interactions with others and always spreading kindness. Unfortunately, the friend deviated from that path and, what I eventually learned was out of pure jealousy, tried her hardest to take me with her.

The year 2020 was when she first started voicing a lot of her discontentment with the way I chose to do certain things in my life. Whether it was as simple as moving crackers from the sidewalk so people wouldn’t step on it, to using words like “InshAllah” and “Alhamdulillah,” every “good” act I would do bothered her. That year was also the same year that my life was beginning to thrive. I looked my best, I felt my best, I was confident, I was graduating, I had gotten an internship, I was moving out, and I had a great relationship with my family. All of which soon became the reasons behind her built up resentment towards me.

 It started off small. It started with withholding compliments, and the times when compliments were given, they were through gritted teeth with a glance, sizing me up and down. It then escalated to small critiques about my body. I always knew she was jealous of me. But I would choose to ignore it out of the compassion and the love I had for her and our friendship. I would tell myself that she was going through a rough patch in her life. I would make excuses. I would fool myself into believing that by staying her friend, I could influence her into turning back to God instead of going down the path she was going down. I was doing the biggest disservice to myself possible. Because little did I know, she was changing me more than I was changing her.

My biggest regret is the fact that I stopped praying during that time. It was my own actions that I regret the most because had I not started catering to her way of life, I may not have been left vulnerable to all the evils in the world. In that time, the jealousy had also taken a dark turn. When I returned home from my internship August 2020, I started noticing something very weird. It started with a stare. She had begun staring at me every time we hung out for minutes on end while I was distracted with other things. Mainly occurring when I would drive, I would feel her eyes on me in the most uncomfortable way possible, just staring. Being oblivious to what was going on, I started off ignoring it completely. When it continued for months, I eventually started questioning her and asking why she would stare so much and told her to stop because it made me uncomfortable. She would shrug every time and say no more than a simple “nothing.”

To describe the stare a little, it was the most chilling look someone can give you. I could feel her eyes analyzing every inch of my face. It was a glare. The type you can physically feel all the way across the room. The evil type of stare, for a lack of better words.

 No surprise there but throughout this process, my life had also started changing drastically. Highlighted a little more in my first blog, I started getting depressed, my health started deteriorating with no medical explanation, I had become very insecure, and my relationship with my family was starting to crumble. All of these side effects being a direct result of the effects of the evil eye. The same blessings in my life that friend was jealous of, were beginning to fall apart. On top of all of that, I also started waking up multiple times at night and couldn’t get quality sleep for the life of me no matter how hard I tried. I started getting nightmares. I would wake up scared every night. I started getting ants in my room and I couldn’t get rid of them no matter how hard I tried. I was constantly angry with no direct cause.

The anxiety attacks were the worst. There would be times where I would be sitting with my family, and suddenly start crying for no reason. My parents would ask me what was wrong and I couldn't answer because I didn't even know. Unfortunately, my family had also become the receiving end to all of my anger. Everything they would do would irritate me. I would often go to my room and just cry because I couldn't recognize myself. I wasn't an angry person. I was always soft spoken and kind, especially to my parents. So what was happening? Why was I suddenly irritated by everything they did. The answers soon came at me like a flood, alhamdulillah.

In the next couple of paragraphs, I will be referencing a few events that were explained more in depth in my first blog. To understand a little more, you can click this link and read that first.

March 2021, I returned home from Turkey. During my trip, I had become very spiritual and would have daily conversations with God. I had started noticing my health was getting better and the anxiety attacks had ceased. The day after I came home, however, that friend came over to visit. My mom had cooked food and we were all sitting at the table to eat. Suddenly, for no reason, I felt extremely nauseated, something I had been suffering from before I left for my trip. I immediately lost my appetite, and an overwhelming wave of sadness overcame me. I ran to the bathroom and started crying. Oblivious to this girl's evil intentions, I was confused. I was doing so well in Turkey. I had started eating again, I didn't have panic attacks, I was happy. What changed? Why was it that suddenly the second I came back home, I felt those same feelings of despair? I told my friend I wasn't feeling well and she left.

That night I stayed up all night crying in prayer. I felt defeated, but I knew who to turn to for answers. After I fell asleep, I had a dream. That dream was hands down the craziest dream I have ever had. It really wasn't like any regular dream, it was a literal re-run of all the events that took place the day before. It was as if I was reliving that day. The dream started off when I was sitting on my bed, in my room, with that friend. I told her I was going to run downstairs to fill my Hydroflask with water, as I had done in real life that previous day. I remember walking downstairs, going to the kitchen unscrewing the cap to the bottle, filling it with water, and walking back towards my room, while screwing the cap back on. Every small detail in my dream was a direct reflection of the events that occurred the day before, even to noticing the empty Funyons bag my brother had left on the stairs. It was insane. The only difference being the way I felt. Within the dream, every step I took towards my room, I got more and more scared. It was a fear I had never felt before. It felt like darkness, Something inside of me was telling me to hurry up to my room because that girl is not who she says she is. When I reached the top of the stairs, I looked to my right to see that my bedroom door was closed, which I thought was odd because when I had left the room, the door was open. Aside from the fear, the door being closed was the only difference between my dream and what had occurred in real life the day before. Again, the strong wave of fear was getting more and more intense and something kept pushing me to open the bedroom door.

(Disclaimer: for those who get frightened easily, this is your queue to stop reading because things do take a dark turn.) 

I eventually reached my bedroom door and pushed it open. What I saw next was the most frightening image that I will never be able to get out of my head. I saw a figure standing by the foot of my bed. The figure was not my friend. It was slim and tall. No words will ever be able to describe how it looked. It was dark. It felt evil. It was horrendous. I jolt awake only to find that I could not move. I felt something on top of me and for a brief second I felt fear. Alhamdulillah for the relationship that Allah swt had allowed me to build with him, however, because immediately I countered that fear with conviction that nothing can harm me without the will of Allah swt. I began to say in my head, "Get off of me, you can't harm me, I'm not scared of you," followed by the Ayatul Kursi. Immediately afterwards, the weight was lifted and I could open my eyes. I then looked around to see an empty bedroom, felt relief, and proceeded to go back to sleep. 

This story has always been hard for me to tell because it is extremely frightening to relive. Not just the dream, but to think someone who I had allowed into my life could have despised me so much that they physically went out of their way to cause me harm. To sum this blog up, I spoke to my sheikh from my local mosque the following morning and started from the beginning. It was him who told me that I was being afflicted by the evil eye and that dream was a direct sign from Allah swt showing me who the evil eye was from. He told me to cut that person out of my life in every way possible and remove her from all of my socials. I did just that and alhamdulillah, almost 10 months later, here I am today with no hints of depression, no health complications, no more anxiety attacks, finally able to laugh again and genuinely be happy.

The strongest hasad always comes from those closest to you. It's because they're the ones that know you well enough to build that strong resentment towards all of the ways Allah swt blessed you. For those going through similar experiences, please don’t ever rule hasad out. It’s real and it really does impact your life in ways you can’t imagine. According to a hadith, the Prophet (SAW) said “The evil eye is real and if anything were to overtake Qadr (Divine Decree), it would have been the evil eye." That is extremely frightening. That is why prayer and the 4 Quls are so highly regarded in Islam because they truly are your only defense to something so malicious. The evil eye is the one thing that can challenge fate and even kill a person. It’s so much more complex than people make it to be. It’s real health effects. It’s depression. It’s anxiety attacks. It’s everything you’ve been taught your entire life to ignore and “medicate” or seek a therapist for. No shade on people who do decide to go down that road in order to seek help, but before you do, determine the source. Analyze your circles. Rule out the evil eye because guaranteed there are people out there who may not want the best for you despite the fake smiles and acts of service they outwardly portray. If you don’t feel comfortable around someone, listen to your gut feeling. It speaks volumes. Above all else, don’t ever let go of salat(prayer) because that serves as your first line of defense against these evils. Don’t allow yourself to become susceptible to the projection of other people’s insecurities.

Below are a few links to pages discussing more about the signs and symptoms of those afflicted by the evil eye and what to do to protect yourself. Please take the time out to read if you suspect you may be affected and feel free to reach out at any time if any of you have questions or just want to share your experiences. Thank you all for making it this far into the read and I hope this helps anyone in need.

signs and symptoms of the evil eye

Six actions to take against the evil eye